is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
