You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
