i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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