My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
