I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
