She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
