Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
