Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize