just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
