i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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