It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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