Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
