Where is the hickey?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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