community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
