Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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