you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
