I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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