I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
