So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
