His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
