I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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