last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
