So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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