i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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