I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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