I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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