Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
