Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
