is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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