That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
