I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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