yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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