sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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