There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
