Cold hands, warm shart.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
