if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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