I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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