i jhust puked up my retainher.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
