So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
