you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
