Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
