you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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