just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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