Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
