I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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