mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
