walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize