No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
