Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
