what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
