man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
