your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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