Already got asked if we're dating
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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