My first STD was from a foam party
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
