What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
