I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
God I need to hump something, right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
