Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's always time for handjobs
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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