there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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