Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
