My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
