I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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