Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
