i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You pole danced in your parka.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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