she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
