btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
