how can u be prego again
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
