ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
