I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh god it's open bar.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
