then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
