It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
