is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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