I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
