My brain says no but my pants say off.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
