I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
