do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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