It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
