I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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