Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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