I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize