Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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