gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
