Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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