take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
