I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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