3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
