last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
