i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
