I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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