it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
