you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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